Well it's finally happened, the dreaded Doctor saying everything is caused by my weight and therefore I must have diabetes or some glucose intolerance.
I went to the doctor this morning, not my usual dickhead doctor, the other one, the female one. I needed to discuss something a little more personal and I didn't want some dude looking at my lady parts. Yes, I said "lady parts", I'm not above being embarrassed and uncomfortable talking about the more private areas of my body.
Anyway, she looked and gave me antibiotics. However, she did go on rather a lot about how I'm big and that my malady is most likely caused by diabetes -- the fat people kind, type 2 -- or a pre-diabetic thing relating to glucose intolerance, blah blah blah.
Now, I'm not an old hand at the Fat Acceptance thing and my memory doesn't allow me to remember numbers and statics and all the necessary information regarding the absurdity of her words. She even went so far as to use medical terms -- which of course I can't remember -_- -- to explain how being fat can create these kinds of things.
But that's not the worst part.
The worst part is that I just sat there and nodded even though my blood started boiling. I just sat there. I didn't say that there is no solid scientific evidence of fat = diabetes, nor did I even stand up for myself when she insinuated my fat was bad.
I was basically a big fat lump on a chair with no backbone. Ugh.
Oh, then we spoke of a pap smear. I have neglected to have one, ever. I don't suggest doing this. Anyway, she said she could try but because I'm "bigger" she may not be able to find my cervix. She went on to say this is usually due to the beds at the surgery -- they are small and up against a wall making it hard to spread ones legs wide enough -- and the lack of a gynaecological chair.
So my fat is causing me to have diabetes -- or a diabetes related problem -- and will also make getting a pap smear hard.
Thank you so much for the wonderful self esteem boost there, Doctor.
Again, while she was telling me all this I just sat there. Partly stunned she was so callous, partly angry and wanting to walk out, and partly embarrassed to do anything because she was previously looking at my lady parts.
I'm still angry that I couldn't find my voice and that she spat all that bullshit about being fat at me. Right now I feel rather pathetic, and quite possibly I am, and I wouldn't mind burying my head in the sand until such time as fat is accepted. Hopefully that might be within my lifetime.
6 comments:
I am so sorry you had to go through this. (hugs)
Oh Robin, you're so lovely! Thank you!
Hugs, hugs, hugs, and more hugs!
Im sorry you had to go through this too. It's discrimination essentially.
For lady things, I recommend the sexual health and family planning clinic on university ave. The doctors and nurses there are amazing and don't discriminate on size. Have been going there for 17 years. Won't let any other doctor touch my lady parts ;)
Thank you so much for your comment Michelle!
If I can work up the nerve to go there on my own I will definitely go! It's more than comforting to know there is at least one place here with lovely people who don't discriminate. That alone may alleviate some of my anxiety :)
Thank you again xxx
I know you couldn't find the words at the time but, now it's over, you could write her a letter telling her exactly how the consultation made you feel and how unprofessional and unpleasant her behaviour was.
Even if you did have a pre-diabetic condition or Type 2 Diabetes, since when is it acceptable for a doctor to berate a patient? The nub of the matter is that you were consulting her about a ladyproblem. Those with socially acceptable bodies also suffer with yeast infections, cystitis, STDs etc. all the bloody time. And it's bad enough suffering with the condition without being made to feel like you're responsible for it.
Don't beat yourself up. It's not always easy to find the right language under pressure - especially if you had no idea the attack was coming. I've gotten a lot better at it the older I get, but I've also been reduced to incoherent spluttering/outraged silence when faced with fat-related ignorance and prejudice.
She needs a reality check and you have the right to give it to her.
Thank you Buttercup Rocks :) Your comment gave me a lovely boost when I needed one!
I'm in the process if getting all the facts together to write a short but accurate letter.
I was hesitant at first, I hate making waves. But I realised I'm not the only fat person she will see. So for the other people who might also feel like me, I'm going to write the letter and hopefully enlighten her. Failing that I just hope she may think a little before speaking.
So thank you again :) The boost of your comment made the decision far easier!
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