Thursday, April 14, 2011

You Wouldn't Believe This Even If You Read It

So there I was minding my own business in this crazy world, when I get an email saying that one of my favourite bloggers has written a new post. My heart skips a beat as I hurriedly open my email client and ravenously run my eyes through the post. A little shiver of dread and excitement slides along my spine when I discover there is a link to a hash tag on twitter. It must be brilliant or eye opening for it to inspire a post on Big Liberty's blog so I clicked #thingsfatpeoplearetold and my life was immediately changed.

The sheer volume of tweets by other fat people stunned me into awed silence. There are so many people, like me, who have been treated appallingly just because they don't look like a socially acceptable stereotype. As I kept reading I realised that 95% of the tweets posted have been said to me and this was a huge shock. For so very long I have ignored the comments and somehow put them out of my mind because no one else understood that what was said was not only hurtful but rude and generally disgusting. The bubble I have hidden inside for so long was burst and there, in it's place, was the blunt, heartfelt truth. Holy shit, batman.

That brings us up to right now, this minute, as I type these very words and the next. I was inspired by all these wonderful people and their stories, I was inspired by all the blog posts I've read in the last 48 hours and decided it is time for me to add my voice to the thousands of voices already calling for Fat Acceptance. So here I am.
It wasn't an easy decision for me as I have spent more time avoiding any kind of waves that would bring attention to me and my non "normal" flabby person. It was almost a case of if I don't talk about my fatness they won't even notice it and so I became the apologetic fat chick.

What do I mean by "apologetic fat chick"? Melissa from Shakesville explains:
I've said it before and I'll say it once again: It remains a radical act to be fat and happy. If you're fat, you're not only meant to be unhappy, but deeply ashamed of yourself, projecting at all times an apologetic nature, indicative of your everlasting remorse for having wrought your monstrous self upon the world. You are certainly not meant to be bold, or assertive, or confident—and should you manage to overcome the constant drumbeat of messages that you are ugly and unsexy and have earned equally society's disdain and your own self-hatred, should you forget your place and walk into the world one day with your head held high, you are to be reminded by the cow-calls and contemptuous looks of perfect strangers that you are not supposed to have self-esteem; you don't deserve it. Being publicly fat and happy is hard; being publicly, shamelessly, unshakably fat and happy is an act of both will and bravery.

Instead of remaining apologetic I'm moving towards true self love and therefore have this insatiable need to voice my opinion on how fucked up and discouraging it is to be ridiculed for being who you are. No more will I sit passively and let others dictate how I should act, what I should eat, how to dress my flabby body and other such nonsense. See this post, it's my big FUCK YOU to the world that says I am unhealthy for being a size AU22-24 and that I am "diseased" for being who I am. 

But it goes deeper than that as Fat Heffalump explains On Expressions of Dismay and Disbelief...

So I want to say this to all of the people who are horrified at the things they read in these tweets.  Don’t just shake your head, gasp in horror, and cluck your tongue at how terrible people are to the poor fatties.  Stand the fuck up. Say something when you hear fat hate.  Speak up when you see someone being treated badly because of the size of their body.  Challenge those articles you see in magazines, newspapers and on television that perpetuate myths about fat people.  Ask questions of the “facts” you see spouted that shame fat people, think about who might just benefit from fat phobia.  After all, fat activists have been doing just this for decades.

 I may have had my head in the sand for a long while but now it's time to be honest with myself, and with you, about what it is really like to be a fat woman living in a skinny world. 

17 comments:

Jerome said...

Great first post!

Unknown said...

Thank you so much! :)

Sleepydumpling said...

Welcome to the fatosphere my love! You're in for a hell of a journey, but it's a REALLY rewarding one.

Big fat welcoming hugs.

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the fat-o-sphere!! x

Unknown said...

Oh my! Thank you both so very much! I'm terribly excited to be here! So excited in fact my brain just evicted all coherent thought.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you for your lovely warm and friendly welcome!

Anonymous said...

Welcome, love both of these posts! I added you to the Fat Liberation feed, I hope you don't mind. I'm looking forward to your stuff!

(oh and thanks for the lovely kudos of course!)

Anonymous said...

I think I've met my twin!!! Just loving your comments & thrilled to read someone standing up for both herself & our "community." I'm sick to death of being judged, whispered about behind by back & frowned upon for being me. Others need to stop concerning themselves about my weight/height/clothing size. We have to work together to stop the "hate/fat" talk. I no longer participate in diet/weight/size/fat talk with my friends, nor the snotty girls at work. I overhear them talking & I chose to no longer participate. Ive been in recovery for 4mths now from B.E.D., & hope that soon I'll be strong enough to not only not participate, but get them to stop talking about it amongst themselves & contintally bring each other down with their negative body talk. Thankyou for starting your blog - an inspiration to me. Can't wait to read many more....

Best wishes
Ames
(agp)

Heather J. said...

Good stuff. I have been a proud, happy, healthy fat woman for quite sometime. It has been hard at times but mostly I don't give a shit. I like your style. I wish there would have been more like you when I was younger. Thanks for your thoughts.

Anonymous said...

welcome welcome welcome! in the words of gomez "we're not here to judge you...we're here to be your friends now....we can make it feel like everything thats gone wrong happened for a reason."

Samantha said...

YAY!! Well done and welcome!

Unknown said...

Firstly, forgive me for such late replies. My mental health dictates I sleep at "regular" times. However, I am so honoured and completely awed by so many comments, well wishes and warm welcomes! *insert slightly awed but more stunned face here*

I'll do this in order of comments posted.

@BigLiberty - if it were possible to stalk your blog I would do it. I love your writing style! You're blog is a huge inspiration to me. But I'll gush another time.
I'm so honoured that you have added me to the Fat Liberation Feed! *insert giddy happiness here* Thank you so much!

@Ames (Anonymous) - You are amazing. It's one thing for me to sit in the confines of my home and occasionally visit the "real" world to hear the jeers of strangers, but you are one of the many out there actually living every single day. I'm so touched by your courage and strength. Your recovery from B.E.D. gives me the inspiration to continue to fight my own demons. Your comment has brought tears to my eyes and I'm so thankful you took the time to share your thoughts and story with me. Thank you Ames, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

@Heather - Thank you so much. I'm privileged to be able to join my voice with so many people who have spent years diligently fighting against fat stigma. I'm incredibly lucky there are people, such as yourself, who have been walking this path for longer than I have. Thank you :)

@Erylin - Thank you! Those words of Gomez are completely perfect for how I feel having found you all! Wow! Thank you!!

@Samantha - Thank you!! The warmth you have shown me, here and on twitter, has lifted my spirits and given me the courage to continue being open, honest and true about life as a fat person. Thank you!!

I'd like to apologise for all the "thank you so much" comments! I am so astounded by all of your support and honesty! I don't even think a million thank you's would convey my gratitude for all of you!

Anonymous said...

Looking forward to reading more of your blog Rock on!

Lori

Unknown said...

Thank you Lori!!! *insert biggest grin ever seen here*

Anonymous said...

Awesome post, I loved it and will subscribe as I love your attitude and spunk. From a 30 something fat chick I certainly have those moments when you walk high and tall and look people in the eye, only to have them "look away from the fatty" in case you 1.) infect them with fatness 2.) in case we think that means you're in love with us. 3.) and yeah how dare you be confident looking like that, when I'm alone and miserable.

Point 2 in particular pisses me off more than anything as so often this happens with good looking guys and they ASSUME that if they are nice to you, return the smile etc that you would fall at their feet gagging in love with them right there and then... der we do have our own taste in men and we dont all like pretty boys who say dude a lot...

anyway.. keep it up chicky

Tania

Unknown said...

Tania, can I marry your comment!?
Actually, can I use that as the basis of my next rant, er, blog?

You just summed up everything I've been thinking all day, which I couldn't for the life of me put into freaking words.

Like you I get number 2 A LOT. Right now all I can say is "le grrr". Arrogant sons of... Well you get my point.

Thank you so much for your lovely compliments!

Sleepydumpling said...

OMG! I thought I was the only one that got that "Can't let the fatty talk to me, they might fall in love with me!" reaction from people. You mean it's a common experience?

Unknown said...

You're definitely not alone in this.

I have found that male sales assistants, baristas and waiters are more likely to be polite, but short in their answers lest I try to slip them my phone number or something.

Of course this is only my opinion and, being such a "desperate fat chick" that I supposedly am, I secretly revel in any attention a male shows me.

Pfft. Yeah right!!