RobinRaven RobinRaven
@FatChickSpeaks Same to you. Did you know I posted about the hashtag thing on FB + got 3 responses on how being thin is tougher. Oh. Ok. LOL
Firstly, I'm not about to start hating anyone or suggesting that anyone is wrong.
Secondly, it brought up a very interesting discussion about the differences in our experiences, interactions and how some thoughtless words can affect the validity of those feelings and experiences.
I'm not about to suggest that the three responses Robin received were wrong. For those three people their responses were completely legitimate representations of how they feel. I completely understand that it's hard for people of other sizes too.
The people who are labelled "underweight" get just as many taunts and prejudiced comments as fat people do. The comments aren't about eating less but, of course, the opposite. They get called "bean pole", "anorexic", "unhealthy", "stick figure", "skinny" and worse. No matter what the insult or what end of this spectrum we're on it damn well hurts. So I do understand how hard this is.
Then there are people who are labelled "healthy" and/or "normal" who also get their share of comments. There is also pressure for them to remain thin, remain healthy and remain active. This "group" of people also experience the same pressure the rest of us do when we're bombarded with "perfect" images in the media, pushed by the beauty industry, health industry, government and even medical officials. These people have also been told to lose a few extra kilos to be "healthier". So, yes, I understand that it's unfair and hard and that they don't really like it.
The crux here is that by saying "it's harder for me than it is for you" you're essentially invalidating another person's thoughts and feelings. How do we really gauge just what is unbearably hard for each person? Are you able to enter that person's mind and access their experiences to make this assumption that you have it harder than they do?
The point is, what is awful for one person may not even be a blip on the radar of another person. That's when empathy and, lacking that, sympathy come into play. We empathise with someone if we've had a similar experience - in fact I'm surprised those three commenters didn't empathise - and when we can't empathise we sympathise. Being able to imagine how we might feel in that person's shoes is a powerful tool and I think more people should try it instead of preaching "fat is bad", "BMI is accurate" and other such rubbish.
But I digress.
There's another factor that can add more complexity to someone's thoughts and feelings on this particular subject. The sheer volume of discrimination, bullying and prejudice. Those of us on either end of the spectrum do experience more in this way, whether or not is affects us more is entirely up to the individual. This doesn't mean that more volume equals more important feelings and experiences. It means there's more to deal with, that's it.
In my experience I feel everything more keenly and thus the volume of fat hatred and those fat hating people in my life dig a very deep emotional pit. The hurt is very real and very personal. So on one level the hurt that I feel is Earth-shatteringly real and possibly the worst thing in the world for me. On another level I know that others do not share this feeling and some can't understand why it hurts me so much.
Everyone will experience horrible events and situations in their lives. Some will experience more and some will experience horror beyond imagining. But for each person the potential is there for the event they are facing to be the worst thing to happen to them.
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