Weight Does Not Equal Health.

I realise it has been quite a while since I have last written anything here. Without going into my whole boring life story, my life has been even more complicated than usual and I've not had the energy (yep literally energy) to even contemplate writing anything. That aside, right now I am incredibly angry about some news I received today and for a severe lack of outlets to vent this rage, I have decided I would write something here.

Now I know I am terrible with remembering who wrote what research and I'm even more terrible at remembering numbers (except for the ever important one I will write about a bit later on) so if you want the stats, the actual research papers (and most of the links to them) I suggest you peruse the awesome Ragen's blog Dances With Fat. You can do that by clicking here.

So let's start at the beginning, a good place to start I think.

A couple of days ago my Mum had severe abdominal pain. Doubling over, tear jerking, stomach holding pain. She is a medical receptionist so her boss (the GP) sent her off for blood tests, an ECG and an ultrasound, with the idea she might have gallstones.
The tests came back today with the diagnosis of NAFLD - Non Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease. Click here for the wiki explanation.

The GP is prescribing laparoscopic lap band surgery.

For anyone who has even a tiny bit of knowledge as to what this is knows that there are some severe risks involved. But, apparently, those risks are not worth the time or effort to talk about as losing weight is the ultimate "cure" for NAFLD. Never mind that the more "mild" causes/associations to getting NAFLD are insuline resistance, diabetes mellitus (more commonly known as adult onset diabetes) and hyperlipemia (very basically; high cholesterol and high triglycerides). 

Now, we know from research that moderate exercise 30 minutes a day at least five times a week does, in fact, improve cholesterol, blood pressure and triglycerides. It does not always lead to weight loss. Weight loss does not equal health. 

Now, since diabetes does actually become manageable with improved fitness (again, not always weight loss) and since cholesterol, blood pressure and triglycerides also improve with fitness, wouldn't the most logical prescription be to increase fitness? 

Apparently not. 

It's may be because 95% of people will regain weight lost within 2 - 5 years. 95% of people. So the "cure" to all these diseases and illnesses only has a 5% success rate. Since when does a 5% success rate equate to a reasonable diagnosis? Anyway, I'm rambling a little here, so let's get back on track. 

Since 95% of people will fail at this prescription of weight loss, the doctor (and right now I'm using that term lightly) has decided to basically say "you're useless so we'll control your stomach for you by placing a band around the top of your stomach to stop you from eating, well, anything". 

Okay, I may have added a little creative flair in there but the result is the same. And yes, lap bands are removable and they can actually be adjusted so they are, therefore, less "dangerous" than permanently decreasing stomach size or bypassing it almost entirely. (I shudder at the thought).

I still have a problem with this "prescription". It's still not safe and there are more horror stories of things going terribly wrong than there are of things working the way "it's meant to". 

I'm so mad I want to scream from the rooftops "WEIGHT IS NOT HEALTH" and have everyone finally understand the difference. Damn, if only it were that easy. 

Luckily, my Mum has no intention of having lap band surgery. She would rather improve her fitness and see the benefits of that decision improve her health across the board. 

Still, I remain seething that such a drastic "prescription" was even mentioned when simply improving fitness and (in some cases) medication can achieve the same result. Granted, it may take longer, but the result is beneficial for her overall health, not just "getting the fat off your stomach". 

Just to reiterate, improving fitness will improve your health. In some cases it never leads to any weight loss. And you know what? That's perfectly okay. 

Flying Fatty Panic

This time next week I will be on a plane to Melbourne. I'm going there to interview a potential psychiatrist so my move to Melbourne -- early next year -- will be as smooth as possible.

Of course I'm nervous about meeting this guy, but that's not the reason my stomach is in knots and my head is screaming all those awful fat hating jibes.

I'm terrified that I won't fit into the plane seat. It's ridiculous really since last year -- June -- I flew to Melbourne and while the seat belt and the seat were a little snug I did, indeed, fit. Albeit I sucked in my flab so no one would complain about me. Not that they would have since I sat in the window seat with my mum sitting next to me. Any complainers would have been more inclined to complain about my mum than me. But rational thinking isn't always my strongest point.

Usually I don't think about these things, well not to the degree that it's already causing me stress and anxiety. Of course we all know I'm prone to both of those, so I suppose it's not really such a big step to worrying about something I have no control over -- at least not a week from the flight.

You see, I saw on Today Tonight (a "current affairs" program aired in Australia) yet another diet to lose those "unsightly rolls" etc. I don't pay much attention to these segments other than to shake my fist menacingly at the tv and provide a running commentary on what bullshit they're saying. This time, however, something stuck. A woman was saying how she was embarrassed to have to ask for the seat belt extender on flights. All I could think was: Oh shit, that's going to be me.

I don't necessarily look as huge as I feel, of course I look bigger than some people -- okay perhaps a lot of people -- but I fit in cinema seats, bus seats, car seat and pretty much all other kinds of seats without my fatty bits invading someone else's territory. In some part, because of these things, I told myself that as long as I could still sit in those things without invading another's territory then I was an "acceptable" fatty. Hey, I never said my strongest suit was being rational. I don't mean to say that anyone bigger than me is a "bad fatty" or thinner than me a "good fatty" etc. The rules applied to myself are extremes and do not apply to anyone else, ever. If only I respected myself as much as I respect others. Anyway, that's a post more suited for the mental health blog.

On Saturday as I was sitting on my bed deciding what I should wear, it suddenly struck me that I would need to lose weight by Wednesday the 5th October so I could, comfortably, fit into the plane seat and do the buckle up.

My initial reaction was: OMGWTF are you thinking? 1. You don't have time to lose enough weight (I think I'm a lot bigger than I am) and 2. Where do you think you're going to get the motivation to actually do what you want to do? 


My secondary reactions was: OMGWTF are you entirely insane? You've been following FA blogs for a while and you're far more aware of how beautiful your body can be and now, because of some stupid flippant comment on a tv show you don't even like, you want to lose weight to conform to society's acceptable look? Are you fucking kidding me? 


I'm ashamed that I felt this dire need to conform, to change myself to "fit in" instead of asking and/or demanding -- although demanding doesn't usually get anyone anywhere -- I be accepted exactly as I am. However, I'm not the only one who has moments of self consciousness and incredibly low self esteem. It's not easy being who you are and having friends, family, and even strangers tell you how wrong you are. Sometimes even the strongest people have moments of self doubt. It's comforting even if it doesn't decrease the shame I still feel for allowing such thoughts to run rampant.

It's hard to share this, honestly, with anyone. My weight is still a sore topic for me and no matter how many times I talk about it I still wait for the other shoe to drop; the fat hatred to begin. Still, I felt it important to share this with you, with anyone who may read this, because nothing is that simple. It's easy to make informed choices and decisions, but it's incredibly hard to maintain those choices and decisions.

It Finally Happened...

Well it's finally happened, the dreaded Doctor saying everything is caused by my weight and therefore I must have diabetes or some glucose intolerance.

I went to the doctor this morning, not my usual dickhead doctor, the other one, the female one. I needed to discuss something a little more personal and I didn't want some dude looking at my lady parts. Yes, I said "lady parts", I'm not above being embarrassed and uncomfortable talking about the more private areas of my body.

Anyway, she looked and gave me antibiotics. However, she did go on rather a lot about how I'm big and that my malady is most likely caused by diabetes -- the fat people kind, type 2 -- or a pre-diabetic thing relating to glucose intolerance, blah blah blah.

Now, I'm not an old hand at the Fat Acceptance thing and my memory doesn't allow me to remember numbers and statics and all the necessary information regarding the absurdity of her words. She even went so far as to use medical terms -- which of course I can't remember -_- -- to explain how being fat can create these kinds of things.

But that's not the worst part.

The worst part is that I just sat there and nodded even though my blood started boiling. I just sat there. I didn't say that there is no solid scientific evidence of fat = diabetes, nor did I even stand up for myself when she insinuated my fat was bad.

I was basically a big fat lump on a chair with no backbone. Ugh. 


Oh, then we spoke of a pap smear. I have neglected to have one, ever. I don't suggest doing this. Anyway, she said she could try but because I'm "bigger" she may not be able to find my cervix. She went on to say this is usually due to the beds at the surgery -- they are small and up against a wall making it hard to spread ones legs wide enough -- and the lack of a gynaecological chair.

So my fat is causing me to have diabetes -- or a diabetes related problem -- and will also make getting a pap smear hard.

Thank you so much for the wonderful self esteem boost there, Doctor. 


Again, while she was telling me all this I just sat there. Partly stunned she was so callous, partly angry and wanting to walk out, and partly embarrassed to do anything because she was previously looking at my lady parts.

I'm still angry that I couldn't find my voice and that she spat all that bullshit about being fat at me. Right now I feel rather pathetic, and quite possibly I am, and I wouldn't mind burying my head in the sand until such time as fat is accepted. Hopefully that might be within my lifetime.

Sick and tired of double standards.

I'm really tired of people saying they want others to treat them with respect when they don't treat others with respect.

For instance:

Being bullied in school -- called fat, ugly, lesbian, gay, ranga, metal mouth, pizza face, what ever the name -- then saying "people shouldn't wear leggings as pants" or "why would they sing that crappy song?" or "their writing is so bad I can't believe I've just read this" is exactly the same as what the bullies -- those people you cry/whinge/bitch/hate/fight -- are doing to you.

Seriously, you're being hypocritical. You want people to accept you and your choices but you refuse to accept others and their choices. That's just not cool.

If someone wants to wear leggings as pants: don't bloody look.

If that person wants to sing that song: don't bloody listen.

If someone writes something: don't bloody read it.

This constant obsession people have of tearing down others is awful. Then the next breath is "you need to respect my rights to..."

Seriously, I'm all about doing what makes you happy. Why must there always be someone who comes along and dictates the terms of what you can do to be happy? Damnit, if I want to put my fat arse in a pair of leggings I will do it; BECAUSE IT MAKES ME HAPPY. I'm not hurting anyone nor am I forcing anyone to look at me.

So next time you're preaching/crying/begging/asking/whining/demanding respect ask yourself if you are being truly respectful to others. Ask yourself if it's really any of your business what someone else wears/sings/writes/reads/listens to/likes. Ask yourself if you would like them to judge you the way you're judging them.

Random Confessions

Sometimes being a fat chick isn't that bad. There are times when you find people who don't judge you by your looks and there are times when you can connect with similarly shaped people. That's not to say it's easy or that these events happen a lot - do not make the mistake of thinking everything is great just because of a few chance moments.

Just like other things in life it's never all bad nor all good. It is what it is and I grab hold of any good moments with a ferocity that startles -- okay scares the hell out of -- people.

You see being fat doesn't mean I have to hate myself, the world around me or even the people who would so readily judge me. I don't have to be anything nor do I have to act a certain way -- ashamed -- to appease the fat haters. I can be fat and simultaneously be happy, fun, cute, sweet, gorgeous and sexy! Le sexy purr.

Here's a little secret I've never told anyone: I actually like being fat. Gasp
I like it because I'm not pretending to be someone or something I'm not. I'm not a "skinny chick living in a fat chick's body" or some other nonsense.
I like it because I'm not like everyone else. I'm not just another pretty thin chick; I'm the pretty fat chick.
I like being content with my body no matter how big, how strange and no matter what weird stuff it might do. Dear body, I've had my gallbladder removed for over a year now. Do you think you could stop with the gallbladder pain now? Sincerely, Me.

I am not just my body. I am not just fat or just blue eyed. I am complex and kooky and definitely cute. My body may be what you initially see but it's not entirely me. I have feelings, no way! and I have a pretty amazing and rather interesting -- strange -- brain. Just because these things are not outwardly visible doesn't mean they don't exist.

There's also one last thing I like about being fat. It's a little two sided and one side isn't so great, but the other side is phenomenal.

It may take me longer to find an outfit I like and feel comfortable in but when I do I absolutely nail it! I get more compliments on my great outfit and how fantastic I look than my conventionally beautiful -- thin -- friends. While I don't gloat or base my whole identity on looking better than my friends, the compliments sure help to make me feel validated, noticed and pretty.

Just to be clear the times I do get complimented more I always shift the focus to my friends as well because we are all beautiful.

So being fat isn't always hard nor is it always awful. There are times when people and events are so amazing I can completely forget I'm the fat chick and just enjoy myself being human.

Just remember: I am more than my body.

The Assumptions of Trolls

One common assumption by trolls is that because I'm fat I must eat a lot and not exercise. I must also be lazy and smelly and unclean. Don'tcha know?

Oh how little you know me, ye of such overpowering knowledge that ye knowest all while us mere mortals do quiver in fear. 

Puh-lease. These trolls know nothing about me or my lifestyle or my physical/mental health. They know nada. Nothing. Zip. And yet they will tell myself, and every other fat person they see, that they know why we are fat and how to fix it. 

Apart from this being extraordinarily rude, condescending and just down right stupid it's also maddening. But I won't go into that right now, maybe another time when it bothers me slightly less and I can formulate a decent post that doesn't consist of volumes of swearing. 

As I've said before, and so will say again, I can't talk for other people. I can only express my thoughts and how I live blah blah blah. So let me get a few things off my chest. 

Firstly, I don't eat much at all. I still have friends who are stunned by how much less I eat than them. This isn't because I don't want to eat vast amounts when I'm with someone to try and hide my real eating habits. Whether I'm with someone or not I still don't eat much. Of course there are days -- usually relating to PMS -- when I'm ravenous and will want to eat everything I see, but I don't. The argument "you eat too much" is invalid here. Move on, there's nothing to see here. 

Secondly, you may earn yourself a troll point because I don't exercise. Yeah, yeah I should blah blah blah. When you've figured out a way for me to exercise that doesn't result in my mood to fall below an acceptable level resulting in me attempting to commit suicide, then we'll talk. No, dear, I would not rather be dead than fat. 

Thirdly, I'll admit I have lazy moments, but that does not make me lazy. How many times have you procrastinated because you were feeling lazy? How many times have you decided to stay home one weekend and lounge on the sofa in your tracky dacks? Oh, a few times you say!! Does that make you a lazy person or just a person who indulges in a few lazy moments? Just because I'm fat doesn't automatically mean I do nothing but laze around being fat and whining about it. Next bubble to burst please.

Now here's one of my favourites. I've read a tweet from a nurse -- whom I used to follow -- about how she hated assisting in surgery when it was a fat person. Apparently their rolls always stink. Insert eye rolling here. From recent commentary on #thingsfatpeoplearetold I noticed that she wasn't the only person in a medical field to say something so outrageously stupid. In fact there are non-medical related people who just assume that because we're fat we smell. Wrong.

Let's deal with the surgical dribble first. If you've had any kind of procedure you know that you're not allowed to wear deodorant, nail polish, use hair products etc. The list is pretty long if you actually read it and, of course, it depends what procedure you may have. So whether you're fat or thin, tall or short, male or female you're presenting yourself unadorned and without deodorant. 

Now here's something amazing: people sweat. People sweat when they're scared too and guess what a lot of us tend to feel when we're waiting for the nurse to come and tell us they're ready for you!? We feel scared. 

Some people sweat more than others regardless of weight. It's something about adrenal glands or some such -- if you really want to know google it -- and they're different in each of us. Now let's think about all this for a moment. 

No one having surgery can wear deodorant or perfume before the surgery. 

Everyone sweats and may feel nervous or scared pre-surgery. 

Some people can sweat more than others regardless of weight. 

This means -- omfg the world is at an end -- that everyone has a chance of smelling bad and not because they have rolls. Would you look at that. That's just too amazing to fathom.

Of course we're not always walking around about to go into surgery and there's still the misconception that fat people stink just because... well... they must? 

A lot of the same rules apply here that did above. People of all sizes may sweat more than others, which is usually the cause of the "smell". There are some fat people who sweat very little and, as such, don't "smell" but are still told they smell. Seriously that's all you can think of? You can't even stop and think why you think that and on what grounds you base this thought on? 

Of course in the real world we have deodorant. Some folks don't like it and that's their own personal choice. There are some -- myself included -- who are so paranoid of being told they "smell" they end up wearing more than is necessary. I even take my Impulse deodorant with me in my bag in the event I do end up sweating and can spray a quick burst while I'm alone in the toilets. Yes, I will always wait until I get a minute alone so I don't upset anyone who may not like the smell of my pretty and sweet spray. It's called being considerate, trolls you should try that some time.

So anyway, this is turning into such a long rant I'm actually getting angry just thinking about all the variations of the same arguments. 

These basic and stupid ideas probably don't even deserve their own post, but I've been thinking about them for a while and decided even the smallest things should be addressed. Acceptance and change both start with rearranging the smallest thoughts, which lead to amending bigger thoughts. 

Unhealthy Commercials

While watching a little bit of tv today -- a real rarity for me -- I saw the latest Yoplait Formé Satisfy commercial. Technically it's been on air for quite a while, but I usually tune out when commercials come on!

This commercial isn't actually insulting, at least not to me, but it does make me sad that it apparently supports women dieting or not eating enough sustenance.

If you'd like to view the commercial it can ber found here.

For those who don't wish to watch the commercial I'll give you a quick run down. It depicts an office environment of females who are either singly or in groups. They're all thin and all rather attractive women. It shows them sitting at their desks, meeting area and conference desk all looking glumly at various "healthy" foods they'd packed for their lunch -- it could be just snacks. Rice cakes, a single large lettuce leaf etc. In one scene there are three women sitting at what appears to be a conference table where a plate of chocolate biscuits is placed in front of them. Each of the women politely decline and one is tempted but thinks better of it.

I'm sure you get the idea.

Now, I'm not actually insulted by this commercial as I said, but I find it rather sad that such things are expected and even cherished ideals. To starve ones self is not healthy by any definition of the word. Yet here is this environment, which mimics reality, where people are so obsessed with being thin that they refuse to eat anything that might have an ounce of fat!!

Sorry but this is just wrong. This ideal to be skinny, to remain skinny, is absurd.
In fact there is so much wrong with this cultural view I can't even put it all into words.

It's teaching young women -- all women -- that being thin is more desirable than even eating a proper healthy lunch/snack. This baffles my mind.

Now I realise that people probably don't pay that much attention to commercials nor are there a lot of people watching the commercial during midday viewing. However, the message is still clear and, in my opinion, is extremely unhealthy.

I also realise that Yoplait are just trying to sell their product -- in this case yogurt -- and so they'll try to appeal to their target demographic. This doesn't make it right nor does it promote positive body image to any demographic.

There are probably thousands of blogs talking about media advertising and such, but I just wanted to share my view of something that really unsettled me. As I said it's not so much insulting as it is unhealthy. I sincerely hope that the FA movement will -- one day -- be able to stop such unhealthy commercials and the unhealthy and unrealistic portrayal of women.